Sweet
by zst4ever
Summary: Set in the time when L & Light were handcuffed, but Light has all his memories. He is struggling madly against the murderer Kira who is becoming a part of him. He wants L's help, but doesn't know how to ask. He's scared for both their lives. some LxLight
1. Prologue: Shortcake and The Inner War

**A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. I don't own Light. I don't (sob) own L. And it's AU, I guess, but not really, it's just this takes place while L and Light are handcuffed, except in this fic Light hasn't lost memories of the Death Note. **

"Watari."

"Yes, Ryuzaki?"

"Could you send up some strawberry shortcake please?"

"At once, Ryuzaki."

To L's left, Light laughed, letting the long handcuffs loudly jangle.

"With that serious tone, one would expect you had found Kira already!" Light raised an eyebrow at the solemn detective. L turned to him with raccoon-like eyes. The remains of a cupcake, Light noticed, were still comically attached to his lips.

"Do not joke about such topics, Light-kun." He looked back to the computer screens.

"Light-kun is right though, Ryuzaki, isn't he?" piped up Matsuda from the corner. "You do take your desserts seriously! In fact, I don't think I've ever seen you eat anything EXCEPT dessert…"

"I most certainly partake in regular food, however, I have found that I can never resist anything sweet." His somber face at these words made Light and Matsuda choke back laughter. "It is, you might say, my one weakness.

"I believe that is enough out of you, all of you!" exclaimed Soichiro suddenly. All three of them jumped. "I'm sorry. But this is Kira we're talking about. The time for jokes about candies has passed, and it will not return until we fulfill our duties and catch Kira!" He was breathing rather heavily. The fact that his son was still chained to Ryuzaki due to persisting suspicion took a great toll on the older man.

"I apologize, Yagami-san," said L with a bowed head.

"Yes, Father, we're sorry," apologized Light. _His one weakness is sweets, huh?_ Light's – no, Kira's mind was already working on how to use this to his advantage.

There was a knocking on the door and Watari entered, clutching a towering slice of mouth-watering strawberry shortcake.L took it gingerly, his delicate fingers barely grasping the fork as they inserted the cake into his soft mouth.

Light, who was supposed to be checking the family connections between Kira's latest victims, couldn't help but steal a look at L. It turned from a stolen look into a double take, however. Light could have sworn he saw something in L's eyes, a gleam that flashed through the midnight orbs whenever he took a bite of the succulent cake. And to his utmost amazement, Light realized in that split second how to remove all suspicion of himself.

The Kira inside Light contorted his lips into a sneer that was dangerously close to exploding into an evil laugh.

"Something wrong, Light-kun?" L's innocent eyes were focused penetratingly on the smirk that was unflatteringly pasted onto his handcuffed companion, his pastel cheeks puffed in mid-chew. These words brought Light to his senses, and he softened his face into a warm grin.

"Not at all, Ryuzaki. And didn't your mother tell you not to speak with your mouth full?" Light chided jokingly.

"Why no, Light-kun," he responded quite gravely, "since it was full almost all the time, she didn't want to waste her breath. Besides, as long as I don't gain any weight, what does it matter?"

"Who's gaining weight?!"

"Judging by the fact that you must adjust your belt wider 3 each week, Light-kun, I could only say you…"

The lighthearted, almost brotherly teasing continued until Soichiro roared at them. Inside L's mind, there were thoughts of timeframes and tortes, of suspects and sugar cubes, of marshmallows and murder.

But behind Light's hardworking eyes, there fought a fierce war. His sense of morals battled with his sense of justice. His wish to never lose battled with his suppressed longing for a normal life. His camaraderie for L battled with his desire to create a utopian society. Through his raging thoughts, Light craved L's help, for he felt somehow that L could get rid of any evil he was presented with. But he couldn't bear the thought of what L would say if Light revealed the truth about himself. Dimly, hopelessly, Light found himself able to marvel at the fact that even though every person in the room was working to destroy Kira, he was the only one who ever had a chance of defeating the murderer within him.


	2. Confession

**A/N Just thought I should mention: there will be no yaoi/shonen-ai/etc. I have nothing against it, I just don't really want to write it. It doesn't fit in this story anyways, they're relationship is just very deep friendship. I also don't think I'd have any idea how xD **

**Also, I almost cried when I was writing this chapter xD but yeah…here goes…**

2 Weeks Later…

L was playing with his toes. First he'd rub the toes on his left foot with the ones on his right foot, then he'd rub the toes on his right foot with the ones on his left. All this was done with a narrow finger carefully balanced on the edge of his lower lip. To an outsider, he would have seemed a bit out of his mind, but the few who knew him could tell he concentrating very hard on something.

_It all adds up. Raye Penbar, the access to police records, the assumed age and personality…all signs point to Light-kun. All I need is solid proof. The ideal situation would be if he confessed to being Kira and demonstrated how he can kill. How on earth are we supposed to get him to do that?_ In the back of his mind, L knew he had to prove that Light was Kira. But in the depths of his heart, he also knew there was a part of him that wanted to find someone else, or find proof that his only friend was innocent. He had been painfully suppressing that part of him for quite a while now.

"Light-kun." The quiet voice barely reached Light's conflicted consciousness, especially with the whirring of the multiple computers, the rustling of paper, and the sounds of the task force.

"What is it, Ryuzaki?" The calm note in his voice surprised him. These days he never knew if the animalistic scream building up inside him would break free the next time he opened his mouth.

"Could I have a word with you in private please?" L was avoiding eye contact.

"Sure, what's wrong?" asked Light, standing. L beckoned him to a bedroom, a finger to his lips.

"Yagami-san. Light-kun and I will be back in about 15 minutes. I just want to talk to him in private." L closed the door firmly on Matsuda and Mogi's questioning stares. He turned the lock.

"What are you doing, Ryuzaki?" asked Light.

"I don't want to be disturbed," he responded simply. "What I am about to speak to you about is completely confidential." He removed a number of strips of black cloth from his pocket and began covering the cameras in the corners. Back in the other room, Soichiro was taken aback.

"What in the world are they doing in there?" he wondered.

"Don't worry, chief," Matsuda reassured, "there are still the micro-"

"I apologize," interrupted L's voice as he deactivated the microphones, "but what we are about to discuss must be just between the two of us." Once L was sure that they were entirely alone, he faced Light.

_What's going on? _thought Light. _He's never questioned me like this before…_Something inside Light was stirring, something that wanted to seize the person in front of him by the throat, throw him on the bed, crawl on top of him, watch him sputter and die…helplessly…at Light's mercy…Light's heart was pounding furiously as he suppressed this horrifying urge. The sadistic thoughts inside him terrified him, he didn't want to confront them.

"Light-kun." L gestured to the bed. "Please sit."

Light obliged, never letting his eyes leave L's.

"What's going on, Ryuzaki?" Light inquired.

"There is no longer any doubt remaining in my mind that you are Kira," stated L blatantly.

"Wha-!" Light made to rise from the bed, but L held up a hand.

_Oh no. I don't want to kill you, L…That's why I haven't asked Misa to make the trade again, I've been postponing your death…Please don't make me kill you…Don't leave me with no choice…_

Even as Light thought this frantically, he felt a part of him, the part he had come to despise, cruelly cheer inwardly at the thought that Light now had to destroy L.

"I cannot ignore the facts anymore. You have the proper personality, and therefore a motive. You had opportunity. You have enough intelligence. All evidence points to you, Light-kun." L's soft voice faltered with his next words. "I…do not want you to be Kira."

Inside his mind, Light was screaming _Neither do I!_

"Kira, a mass murderer, will most certainly receive the death penalty. Light-kun is my one true friend. But Kira is a criminal. I wish they were not the same…"

_Please…no…we aren't the same! _Light thought frantically, his fists clenching and unclenching. _Kira isn't a part of me, it's – it's like a parasite! This isn't me, Ryuzaki! I'm Light Yagami, straight-A student, devoted son and brother, your tennis partner, your best friend! Kira is a demon, not the God that I foolishly wanted to be..._

"I just want to tell you, Light-kun, that Kira will be caught. We are nearing the end of our investigation." L kept talking relentlessly, apparently oblivious that every word was a poison-tipped arrow, hitting Light directly in the heart. "Though I believe I care about you more than I have care about anyone in a very long time, I must not stand in the way of justice and – Light-kun?"

Light couldn't take it anymore. Tears were staining his handsome face, though he felt the monster inside him snarl at such an open display of weakness.

"I-I can't TAKE it anymore!" he exploded. "I never meant to hurt anyone, I just wanted to help the world!" L looked taken aback. "But this notebook--" he ripped it out of his pocket and flung into onto the bed-- "made something…something SPAWN inside of me, some sort of killing creature! I can feel it now!" And so he could. An enormous wave of hatred, completely detached from his present upset state at being caught, was building up inside him, threatening to erupt and kill both him and L. "I can't take it, Ryuzaki, I can't live like this anymore! I want KIRA –" he spat the word "—OUT of me! Please, Ryuzaki," Light walked over to L and grabbed him desperately by the shoulders, "get this out of me."

They were standing very close now, their noses almost touching. Light's tear-filled eyes looked into L's fathomless ones, begging. He leaned over L's shoulder.

"Ryuzaki…L…" He was barely whispering now, "_save me_."

The room fell completely silent, save for Light's harsh sobs. His entire body was shuddering as he fought against wringing the neck he could almost taste.

_What have I done?! He'll kill me! I've just confessed! He'll—_

"Shh." L's voice soothed, breaking the silence. "You're shaking."

And then he did the opposite of what Light expected. HE wrapped his thin arms around Light's trembling waist and drew him close in an embrace. "We'll figure out what to do in a moment. For now, please just relax." He began to stroke Light's hair. "I can tell this was very difficult for you. Just breathe." Still slightly in shock, Light did as he was told. He breathed deep, quivering breaths and buried his moist face in L's slender shoulder. He returned the embrace in relief.

Light knew that one of them would have to die soon, and it would most likely be him. But for now, he didn't think of that. He just concentrated on the wonderful fact that Kira seemed to have gone to sleep for a moment, letting him enjoy the feeling of L's body against his, and the gentle caressing of his hair. L kept shushing quietly, as if lulling a baby to sleep. They both knew it would soon all be over forever, but for those few enchanted moments, neither one of them cared.


	3. Nightmares

They stood, locked together. It felt like eternity, yet somehow no time at all, before L finally pulled away.

"R-Ryuzaki…" Light beseeched him. "What's going to happ--" L gently touched a finger to Light's lips.

"Tomorrow. You are tired." He gestured towards the digital clock by the bed. "It's past midnight, and none of us has truly slept in two days. We will say good night to the others and go to sleep." Though Light desperately wanted to speak to L, he was grateful for this. His confession, his worries about what would happen, and the constant ache of Kira inside him that had returned exhausted him. "Tomorrow is going to be a long day." L was reaching up to the cameras and microphones, switching them back on.

"Come on, Light-kun, time to say good night." He was about to open the door when he turned and faced Light. "I do not want any awkward questions or discussions yet," L explained as he extended 2 skeletal fingers to Light's face. Tenderly, he brushed the remaining tears from Light's eyes. His touch sent shivers up Light's spine. He was terrified of what would happen the next day.

_Why did I have to tell him? If I didn't, maybe Kira would just go away! We could spend the rest of our lives fighting against something that wouldn't be a danger anymore. We would be friends…he could hug me again, when I'm upset…for some reason, it makes me less upset…something about those onyx eyes…oh, why did I have to tell him! _In his heart, however, Light knew he had had no choice. He could still feel it, that dark presence, weighing upon his spirit, sending hateful urges to his mind. He knew that Kira simply wouldn't "go away", no matter how much he wanted it to. Telling L the truth was his only hope of stopping the murders.

L opened the door.

"Wha--" Soichiro spin in his chair looking very concerned. L held up a hand.

"We will discuss it tomorrow," L stated firmly. "For now, Yagami-san, Aizawa-san, Matsuda-san, Mogi-san – good night. I believe it is in all of our best interests if we all got some sleep."

"Thank GOODNESS!" Matsuda exclaimed, leaning back and loosening his tie. "I am dead tired! Whew!" Soichiro didn't seem satisfied with this, Light noted. He never liked L's suspicions about Light. Even though, Light thought wryly, they were as L would say, _100 percent accurate._

"Yes, but Li--" Soichiro persisted.

"Good night, Father. Good night, everyone," Light cut in, an air of perfect politeness coating his voice.

Matsuda was the first to leave, calling his goodnights back as he ran towards the door. Aizawa and Mogi followed tiredly. Soichiro hesitated, he could tell something was wrong and he wanted to know what it was.

"Light--" he tried again. Light couldn't stand it. He couldn't bear confessing twice in one day. He felt his eyes well with tears once more at his father's bemused expression. L caught sight of this.

"Yagami-san. We are all very tired. Please, return home. Give Sachiko and Sayu-chan our regards – and these _azuki shiratama._" L cut in, proffering a bag of thesweet dumplings.

"Um—right—thank you very much," stammered Soichiro. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but he could tell he was being asked to leave. He took the bag and started to the door. "Well…good night then."

"Good night, Yagami-san."

The door creaked closed. They were alone. The apartment had fallen silent, save for the violent war raging in the head of one of its occupants. For what felt like the millionth time that night, Light felt that he had to break the silence.

"Ryuzaki…"

"Light-kun. Let us prepare for bed." Light noticed that L wasn't looking directly at him.

_What is he thinking?_ Light wondered. They changed into their pajamas and prepared for bed wordlessly, except for the few statements that had to be voiced when you are changing clothes while being handcuffed to another person.

They got into bed and pulled the covers over themselves. There it was again, that name that always had to be said.

"Ryuzaki?"

"Yes?"

"Good night."

"Good night, Yagami-kun."

"And…" There was a touch of uncertainty in Light's tone.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

A pause swept over them for a moment.

"You are welcome."

They lay there for quite a long time. After what seemed like hours, L heard Light's breaths turn light and even. He peered over to look at the younger man. Right now, he didn't look much like a man, actually, much less a soul tortured and tainted by murder. He looked more like a very small child, bothered by a nightmare, almost like Near used to back at the orphanage. His brow furrowed in discomfort now and then, and his hands would clench and unclench, as if he was reaching for something that he _just_ couldn't grasp. L sat upright now, observing Light. He placed one hand on his knee and poked the index finger of his other in his lip, studying the person before him. Light had begun to toss from one side to the other, mouthing incoherent phrases and gasping for breath. Every so often one of his frantic hands would clutch at L's clothing. L cocked his head in thought.

_What does Kira dream about?_

From the display in front of him, clearly nothing particularly happy. L sat and watched Light thrash until he wore himself at last into a deep sleep. L wiped cold sweat and tears off his bedmates face, being careful not to touch him with the icy handcuffs.

_Does this happen every night, or is it just because he confessed?_ L had a sinking feeling it was every night.

_I suppose I've known the truth for a long time. All I needed was proof…_ Slowly, so as not to disturb the finally still Light, L picked up the notepaper from the floor. _And now I have proof. Kira must face justice. But I never, ever, would have imagined this to happen. When you think about it, Light-kun is innocent. It is the notebook that is the murderer. _ L knew that no judge would see it that way._ Kira will get the death penalty, a killer of this magnitude deserves it. And no one is going to give the death penalty to a notebook._ He looked over at Light's sleeping form and smiled at him, a sad smile that would break your heart. _"Save me," you said. How am I supposed to condemn someone who asks that. You are no less a victim of Kira than the criminals killed. But there is no way around it…if the investigation continues, eventually, the others will figure out the truth. And the only way the investigation will end is if we catch Kira. Is there any way to save you?_

With a small moan, L put a fist to his forehead in despair. _I am L! I am supposed to be a genius! There must be a way out of this, there must! _ And then it hit him. _Yes…yes…there is no other way… _A terrible expression crossed his face. It wasn't fear, or happiness. It was…resignation. Determination. He looked back down at the sleeping Light and laid a feather-light kiss on his forehead. Then he picked up the scrap of the Death Note and put it in his pants pocket before laying back into the bed and tightening the covers around him and Light. Light's nightmare was over, at least for the night, but L knew that he had just voluntarily stepped into a much worse nightmare of his own.

_I will save you._


	4. Pain

**A/N Well, I just finished the series (when I started writing this, I still had volumes 11 and 12 to read) and I have to say, it's going to be very very hard for me to keep Light in the character I gave him… because now I like him a lot less. I like his personality here a lot more. Because of that, I decided to alter the ending I had planned a little. I don't know about you guys, but I know I'm gonna like it a lot more this way. xD**

Light awoke the next morning to L's smooth, bare back. He was seated, shirtless, on the edge of the bed. L was holding his head in his hands and murmuring to himself. Judging by his tone, he seemed to be talking himself into something. Light wondered what it was. Then, for one blissful moment, Light felt himself envying L's hair. It just looked so soft! And so dark…like an endless velvet blanket…. He laughed inwardly at himself after a moment. To think such petty thoughts could still pass through his mind! He had thought he had learned to shut them out by now, since he had long since learned that whenever a trivial thought entered his head, Kira would—

"Ahh!" Light gasped in pain. He clutched his chest. Yes, there it was: the sharp angry pangs that shot through his heart whenever he thought of something silly or amusing. In other words, any time he was happy. These pains were much worse than before, however. Light knew it was probably because these particular thoughts involved another person, one who Light cared about. Kira didn't want him to care.

L spun around at Light's discomfort and rushed to his side in a flurry of handcuff jangles and bedcreaks.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he demanded huskily. Light couldn't speak for the pain; it had worsened when L drew near. It was worse than the heart attacks he had inflicted on his victims. It was searing spasms now, spanning his chest, as if someone had taken a hundred poison tipped arrows, set them on fire, and was dragging them across his heart again and again and again.

His watering eyes were scrunched together. His rigid hands clawed at his pajama top, as if they wanted to rip it off and shred the soft skin beneath.

"M-Make it stop, make it STOP!" It was evident that if L didn't intervene, Light was indeed going to hurt himself almost more than the demon inside him. His nails had already etched blood across his face and arms, and judging from the crimson stains appearing on his shirt, Light was going to require serious first aid if he wasn't stopped.

"I'm trying!" L roared. He wrestled with the writhing boy, pinning Light's legs with his own. With an enormous amount of effort, he managed to snatch each of the Light's hands and plaster them to the bed, so Light's squirming stopped. However, his screams didn't. They were howls of utmost agony: the pain had somehow doubled. Light knew why. The fact that L was touching him, no, straddling him, really, had infuriated Kira. This was payback for the respite the monster had left him during their embrace the night before. Tears and sweat mingled with blood on Light's anguished face, coursing down to his neck in rivers of pale burgundy.

At the same time, L knew that if he let go, Light would begin to slash at himself again, and there was no way he could lose any more blood without seriously endangering himself. L could do no more than continue to pin Light to the bed and watch him shriek and moan himself into silence. The torment on Light's face brought tears of his own into L's eyes. Watching the suffering that Kira was inflicting, L knew he no longer had to talk himself into anything. He had made the right decision.

When the devil had decided that Light had been punished enough and ended the pain, Light's cries dimmed into softer sobs. Once L was sure that Light wouldn't be trying to hurt himself anymore, he released him and sat next to him.

Light curled into a small weeping ball, his back to L.

"Light-kun," panted L, weak from the effort of restricting the boy. "I never knew--"

"Don't look at me!" Light protested.

"Light-kun…" L extended a hand.

"No! Don't touch me! I didn't want you to see me this way! Ever!" Feebly Light waved the hand away.

"Light-kun." L said for the third time. Light was breathing harshly, all he could do now was offer an objective groan through his tears. "I never knew…that it hurt to be Kira," he finished softly.

"Hurt? Hurt?!" Light managed a sardonic laugh as he gathered his strength. "It hurts more than anyone can ever imagine! There's a goddamn MURDERER inside me, for crying out loud! I have to kill people, end human lives, because if I don't, _Kira_ will start to kill ME! From the inside! It's worse than any disease, because the pain I get from killing people doesn't even compare to the self-loathing I feel whenever I write a name down! And like I said, if I don't – well, you saw what happens!" Now completely drained of energy, he collapsed back into a tiny ball. "I just want it to end."

"It will end. It will end today, Light-kun." L's voice was shaking, but it was resolute at the same time. He no longer had any doubts about his plan.

Light scoffed. "Any _ending_ for this ends in the death penalty for me, Ryuzaki."

"No, it doesn't. Any name written on this piece of paper – the owner will die immediately of a heart attack, right?" Light looked up. L was holding the shred of the Death Note he had flung aside.

"Well…yes…but that certainly isn't going to save my li--"

"Oh yes it will. You asked me to save you, Light Yagami. And so I am going to save you. Kira was born on hatred, Kira thrives on hatred. I have a plan. I will remove that hatred and release you from Kira."

Both of them had tears in their eyes, but for the first time, L saw hope shine in Light's.

He gave a small smile and reached over.

"Come here," he said, and scooped Light into his lap with almost no effort. He positioned Light so his face was lying in the crook of L's crossed legs, and wiped the sweat and blood off Light's forehead.

"Wow, Ryuzaki, I didn't know you were this strong!" Light managed to laugh up at the tear-ridden face above his.

"Well, we're going to have to clean you up a little bit. You will have to be very poised, today, Light-kun." There was a hard look in L's eyes. "Today, we destroy Kira."

**That was darker than I thought OO But I'm really enjoying writing this. Let me know what you think!**


	5. Hatred

**A/N Okay there's a fireplace in the main room of the task force btw…yeah…also, L figured out how the Death Note works, he studied it before Light woke up. Sooo here we go…**

They attempted to get dressed and washed, but were constantly impeded by Light having to stop every few moments and clutch his chest gasping.

"The p-pain is wor-ahh!-se…than b-b-before," Light wheezed. He had just tried to brush his teeth, but ended up crouched on the very wet floor, dragging L with him. Every time one of these paroxysms occurred, L would grab Light roughly and hold him close. This made the pain ease quicker, but it brought on something almost worse.

"And it's n-not just the pain." Light's head was tilted upwards, his ear in the curve of L's neck, his breathing shallow. "It's these rushes of—of anger. No--" he pulled back as the pain subsided and looked into L's eyes. "It's more than that. It's loathing, it's violence, it's--"

"Hatred." L finished the sentence quietly. "It's pure, venom-filled hatred. It makes you want to read out and kill. Hurt someone. Destroy something, destroy everything."

Light looked confused between his puffs of breath.

"Yes…how did you know?"

L looked at him, very seriously. He lifted a willowy finger and touched it to Light's face, tracing the features slowly. He lightly ran it across Light's forehead, his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids, his partly open lips. Light had the odd feeling that L was memorizing what he looked like, as if he wasn't going to see him for a long time.

"Kira was born of hatred, Light-kun. That notebook is the embodiment of hatred – to end another's life is the ultimate act of evil, and the notebook is the tool of the devil placed on earth to allow mortals to commit that very act." His finger was outlining the soft spot where Light's chin met his neck when Light had another furious spasm of pain at these words. When it was over, he looked up and gave a humorless smile.

"Kira doesn't like it when you talk like that."

"I can imagine, Light-kun." L's eyes were glistening with sadness at Light's distress. "Hatred loathes pity. Hatred loathes any emotion besides hatred, and Kira is trying to fill your mind with that sinful emotion. That's why, I believe, Kira lashes out whenever you feel anything but wrath. Once you are able to kill without feeling any pain, Kira will have completed its task. It will have turned you, Light-kun, into – not a god – but something almost worse than the devil."

Light's face was full of fear beneath L's fingertips.

"Ryuzaki…I came very close to letting that hatred consume me! I was almost at that stage! How is it possible to bring me back now?" Light entreated. He had no idea what L's plan was, indeed at this point he couldn't think of anything that might save him.

L busied himself with finishing the tasks that they hadn't completed yet: buttoning Light's shirt, brushing his own hair. When he finished, he looked back at Light with an indomitable look in his eye.

"Kira, as I said, will win when your heart is filled with hatred. The moment your heart is relieved of all hatred, when it is occupied with other emotions, Kira will die." He had figured this out the night before; he thought it through and knew that he was right.

Light didn't understand how this helped.

"Okay…but every time emotions enter my mind, Kira forces them out, with pain and hatred!" Light pointed out. "How am I supposed to completely exacerbate hate from myself without going insane from the torment?"

L felt in his pants pocked for the piece of the Death Note he had placed there.

"You are not actively going to attempt to purge yourself of hatred. That would most likely destroy you. Not to the point of death, as you are of no use to Kira dead. But it might certainly push you to insanity. Once in that state, you will indeed be able to kill without feeling pain." L's finger was in his mouth again, the other hand on his knee.

This still wasn't making any sense to Light. If he wasn't going to _actively_ rid himself of hate, then how--?

"So I'm going to…_passively_ let my heart fill with love and sorrow and pain and other emotions?" asked Light puzzled. He was feeling slightly let down, even though he knew he shouldn't. He had thought, somehow, that L really was going to save him! He knew it was foolish to hope such things, he was probably beyond saving. L seemed to have an idea, but it just wasn't adding up!

"No, Light-kun. Your heart will fill with those emotions of it's own accord," L responded. Light raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me? How is my heart supposed to--"

"I will confess to being Kira."

There was a long pause. Light studied L intently for signs that he was kidding. He had to be kidding. He couldn't be serious. When L's face showed no signs of a joke, Light had to say something.

"That's not funny, Ryuzaki." A small grin was spreading across his face nonetheless, L just couldn't be serious! The grin was accompanied by a wrenching in his gut, but he ignored it.

"I am not joking, Light-kun." L's face was completely serious and still, save for that bright dampness in the corners of his eyes. The grin was fading from Light's face, replaced by a horrified expression.

"B-but—ouch!—why on earth would you do that?! How would that even help get rid of Kira?!" The pains were worsening as Light grabbed L by the wrists, but he tried to pay no attention.

"I will go outside to the room where the rest of the task force is. I will take the shred of Death Note from my pocket and tell them that I am Kira, and the Note is my weapon. They will look at me in disbelief; Matsuda will probably give a shaky laugh." Light's face grew more and more appalled with every word, while L's expression barely changed. "I will say that I can no longer live with myself and my crimes. I will then write my name on the Death Note." Tears were falling from Light's eyes now, as he stammered protests through the throbbing aches in his stomach. "Within the 40 seconds of my life, I will fling this shred of Note into the fireplace, I'm sure you will do the same with the rest of the notebook in a few days. Once I die, you will be filled with – if I am correct – sorrow, grief, guilt…love? And your torment will have ended…"

"Ryuzaki, NO! Please! You can't do that! I-I won't l-l-let you!" Light was weeping, he couldn't believe it was going to end this way.

"Light-kun. This is the only way." He leaned over and brushed his lips ever so briefly against Light's trembling forehead, drawing fresh howls and tears from Light. "When I die, Kira dies with me."

"No…no…no…anything but that….please….I can't live my life knowing you died because of me!"

L was already pulling him through the door and into the hallway.

"If this doesn't happen, you won't live your life for much longer, and neither will hundreds of other people."

They had reached the door of the task force. Light was gasping and moaning and begging, but L paid no heed. He pushed the door open onto the familiar faces of Soichiro, Mogi, Matsuda, and Aizawa.

"I have an announcement to make, everyone." L stated. His voice was unimaginably steady.

_He can't be serious. He's not going to say it. This is all some sick joke…_ Light was trying to convince himself.

"I am Kira!"

**Next chapter has a bit of a twist…**


	6. Love

**A/N Just want to say thank you so much to everyone who's read and reviewed! You won't believe how happy it makes me. It's very encouraging. Hehe. Well I don't want to leave you with a cliffhanger for too long. By the way—LAST CHAPTER! Yeah, I thought there would be one more, but it sort of ended itself. Besides, I'm leaving for Brazil for 2 weeks in a few days, and I wanted to finish the story.**

It felt like the entire room gasped sharply at L's words. Everyone except Light was staring him in shock. Light had crumpled into tears on the floor. He had dissolved into despair and disbelief.

_How can Ryuzaki do this for me?_ He could already feel himself become overcome with anguish, sending intolerable jolts of aches into his heart. Just as L had predicted, Matsuda was first to break the tension with a nervous laugh.

"R-Ryuzaki…don't say such things…" he chuckled shakily. "Of course you're not Kira…" L removed the piece of the Death Note from his pocket.

"I can understand it's difficult to believe, Matsuda," he said, almost soothingly. "But yes, I am Kira."

_No….NO…it's not him, it's not his fault! It's my fault! It's me, it's me, it's me!_ This was beyond torture. Both Light's mind and his body were pulsating fiercely with excruciating convulsions. His father's voice penetrated his wasting head as if from very far away.

"Ryuzaki," Soichiro said sternly, though there was fear in his eyes. "Please do not joke about such things. Look at what you are causing my son. He does not want to hear these lies."

"I apologize, Yagami-san, but I have proof." L held up the note in one hand and removed a pen from his pocket with the other. The second feat was nearly impossible, as his right hand was still cuffed to Light. Soichiro, Matsuda, Mogi, and Aizawa were all looking from L to the moaning Light in horror. L, on the other hand, was looking directly at the men before him, forcing his gaze away from Light. "When I know someone's face and name, I can write their name on this note and they will die of a heart attack in 40 seconds."

Light couldn't listen anymore. L was going to do it, he was really going to, he was going to sacrifice himself. Light let out an animalistic scream, he didn't care what anyone else thought of him right now, the pain was unimaginable. He was filled with regret that he had ever touched that damned notebook, filled with disbelief that L was going to give up his own life, filled with so much sorrow, and filled head to toe with indescribable pain. He tried not to hear Aizawa's next words, struggled to block out L's reply, but he couldn't, his eyes were scrunched shut, all he could do was listen and scream and feel his heart be ripped to pieces.

"So that's it then?" Aizawa exclaimed angrily. "You've been lying to us, and now you've decided to tell the truth and then kill us all?"

"No, Aizawa." L's inconceivably mild voice sent fresh stabs into Light's brain. "I've decided to tell the truth because I cannot bear being Kira anymore." 

"I don't believe it," Mogi spoke up for the first time. "There is no way Ryuzaki can be Kira."

"Well, there is no way for him to prove it!" exclaimed Soichiro. "We cannot test that notebook on a human life!"

"There is a way, actually, for me to prove it." L responded. Judging from his tone, one might think that he was debating ice cream flavors. But if Light had been able to look up, he would have seen the charcoal rims of L's eyes quivering.

_No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

"I am going to"

_No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

"Write my own"

_No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

"Name into this notebook."

_No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!_

Light didn't hear what happened next. He didn't hear Matsuda's protests, Soichiro's gasps, or even Aizawa and Mogi banging their fists into a table. He could barely think; this was a million times worse than hell. Light was no longer aware of his motions. The pain and heartbreak had combined into one immense force that was larger than his entire body. It was raging though his every pore. It ripped and tore at his flesh. Was he screaming? He didn't know, he could no longer breathe. He was burning, freezing, drowning, suffocating, choking, withering—

Dying.

And then – it disappeared. The pain left him, flying out from his eyes and lips, and exploding. Light heard himself give a horrible cry, and then he knew no more.

When he woke up again, the first thing he realized was the absence of Kira. It felt as if a humongous weight had been lifted off his soul. He was about to cheer when he realized what this must mean. His face crumpled. _Ryuzaki!_

Light pried his eyes open. Crouched and staring at him, with a hand on his knee and a finger on his lip, was L.

"Ryuzaki!" Light's voice was overflowing with happiness that he had not felt in months. He reached up to embrace L, but a firm hand pushed him down again. Light's gaze followed the hand up until he found himself looking into his father's moist eyes.

"Don't get up yet, Light. Your body has just been through a terrible ordeal. Give it time to recuperate." Light gazed around and realized that he was back on the bed that he shared with L.

"Dad, I--" Light said desperately. He had to confess. It would be better to confess than to undergo the pain of losing Ryuzaki. Which brought to mind the question of why exactly both him and L were still alive…

"Shh. Ryuzaki explained it to us. You became Kira through no true fault of your own, and now that Kira has left you and the notebook is destroyed, as long as the killings stop, we will not report you." Soichiro was beaming down at Light, who felt a rush of happiness that grew when he realized it was not accompanied by any sort of pain. Light turned to L.

"How did you…I mean, why are we both…" Light didn't want to finish the sentence.

"It seems I underestimated your emotions, Light-kun." L was nibbling on a lollipop.

"What does that mean, Ryuzaki?"

"I thought that in order to fill your heart with love and sadness, you had to have someone close to you die. But it didn't take that much." L turned his gaze to Light and smiled. "You truly believed that I was going to die to save you – which I had intended to do. That alone filled you with enough emotion to force out the hatred." Light blushed.

"So then…" he murmured. "Kira was destroyed because…I care about you more than you thought?"

L removed the lollipop from his lips and gave a mirthful laugh.

"Apparently, yes."

They looked at each other for a moment, each of their faces spreading into grateful smiles. The next thing Soichiro knew, Light had flung himself into L's arms.

"Light, your health! Ahh, forget it." Soichiro walked over to the other side of the room where the other three were standing and clapped Matsuda on the shoulder.

L and Light embraced deeply, their arms intertwined. Light couldn't believe how happy he was.

"Ryuzaki?"

"Yes, Light-kun?" Light pulled away, just a little bit, and looked straight into L's eyes.

"Why did you do it? Why were you going to sacrifice yourself for me?"

L laughed again.

"I thought I told you, Light-kun!" He was tracing Light's features with his finger again. "I can never resist anything…_sweet._"

**I almost cried a little writing this. I was planning on having either L or Light die, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I hope you liked the ending!**


End file.
